牽掛 – The Cares That You Need To Manage

The Chinese word you see on the title of this post 牽掛 actually means “Cares”. So today, I just want to share about one of the most important cares that I have when we consider our move to Japan — Family.

Took photo at Hokkaido – Biei with my dad. The only trip I had with my dad.

At the point of writing, my dad was hit with another stroke, fifth one in his entire life. He had one major stroke about almost 7 years ago on his left side of his brain. That affected his mobility on his right. This latest round, it hit on the right side of his brain and affected left side of his body. It got really serious and currently now he is no longer lucid, is bedridden and has to be tube fed as he cannot swallow. Our family has to send him to nursing home and I was personally there to enrol him in.

My wife, my mother-in-law and my dad, taken in Hokkiado, Heso Matsuri.

The sight of seeing him in that state and putting him in a nursing care facilities broke me down. That sense of helplessness can be rather overwhelming, but I know there is really nothing much I can do. In fact, putting him in nursing home is the best option me and my siblings have.

This isn’t part of my plan and it did caught me off-guard. With his current condition, my thought was to delay the relocation. But at the same time, staying back will not change any thing to his condition.

In addition to that, suddenly there is an additional cost (nursing home fee) incurred. Assuming if my siblings will not help to share the nursing home cost, it will then take a big hit on how much I can save for the relocation.

Considering my dad’s condition. I will also have to plan for emergency flight back home. Things are just different when you are in the same country. This is something that as a Singaporean where our family are so near to one another, we never have to feel that separation. With the relocation, this will be a “care” that we need to learn to manage.

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